Thursday, April 19, 2012

Guilty

For almost a year I have held onto guilt over how I felt about Buddy's Adoption Finalization Day.
In mid April 2011 we were summoned to Probate Court for this event.  I just didn't get that excited about it.  I just couldn't get that excited about it.  I felt terrible about this.  The day came, we went to court, and came home.  It felt like just another day. (in fact, I had written the wrong day on the calendar at one point)

We have had many friends who have gone before us on this journey, and they did this day up big.  A party, at least a cake - something special to signify the event.  Not us. We just got dressed up, went to court, came home.  That's it.

I even had to look back at some records to remember what date court was, because April rolled around this year and I couldn't remember it.

For almost a year, I felt guilty about this - until I realized something.

I can tell you almost every detail from the day Buddy came home - that his flight landed at exactly 6:00 p.m. on September 4th.  That we first heard him crying behind the customs doors at 6:30 and that at 6:42 he was handed into my arms.  I can tell you what I was wearing, what Steve was wearing, what he was wearing.  I can tell you that we arrived home at 11:50 that night.  Without looking back at pictures of the day I can say that we ate at Cracker Barrel and I had chicken strips and fries. I remember holding him so tightly that I didn't want to ever - EVER let go. I remember him looking up into my eyes while he had his first bottle with me.

I remember it all - because that is the day that mattered.  He became my son almost 8 1/2 months earlier when he was placed in my arms.  Not the day in court - that day was just a formality.  It didn't change anything at all.  (well, legally it did, but you know what I mean)

I think I was feeling guilty for nothing...

1 comment:

Living with Three Boys of Our Own said...

That's the day we celebrate: gotcha days! The boys weren't even actually with us in court on their adoption days, so it was just another day for them.

Glad to know someone else that does it the same way! I would actually have to pull out court papers to find our actual adoption days!