Gracie

As promised in my first blog entry, here is more about our Gracie.


First, today is her first birthday. I know, she is a dog but it is still a big deal for us. Gracie came to us on a fairly warm March Saturday (March 24, 2007). We had talked about getting a puppy - a labradoodle or goldendoodle. When we would see an add in the paper we would always call. They either had no females left or were too expensive. One evening we decided to go out to dinner and do a little shopping. I had been having a rough time with something and was pretty depressed, so my wonderful husband wanted to take me out. We went to a fairly large shopping area near here that has a very cute (ok, expensive-spoil-your-dog-rotten type of place). We had dinner and went in to check things out. (They usually had puppies that they kept in an antique crib in the store) When we walked in there was this tiny little white fur ball sitting in the bottom corner kennel just staring at us. She had crazy hair, and the saddest eyes you have ever seen. She was also being pummeled by her two "sisters" who were playing in the same kennel. The shop owner saw us looking at her, a yellow labradoodle, and told us that the pups had been there for a week and on display for three days. No one had wanted to see her, only her sisters and two brothers. They were all first generation labradoodles, and the other 4 pups looked just like yellow lab pups, with yellow lab fur. She was the only one with the crazy hair. Her eyes looked just like my soul felt, like I was her last hope. So, I looked and my husband and we looked at the lady and said we would like to see her. Well, the rest is history. That night we brought home a 10 pound scared to death little puppy. We had to stop at my parents house to get their old kennel and at PetSmart because we had absolutely nothing for this pup except the stuffed piggy we picked at the store for her.


For most of the way home she just sat on my lap and shook and cried. She was just scared to death. One time she did peek her head up just to bark right at me, then licked my cheek. I laughed for the first time in a very long time. So we named her Gracie, because we knew she would save us. Now that we have had her for a little over 10 months, I can honestly say that she has. She makes us laugh all the time, she cries with me when I am sad, and is just a great dog. Oh, and she is spoiled rotten. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
Happy 1st Birthday Sweet Gracie Lou!




Gracie's First Night (And Piggy)






This is the look she had for about the first week we had her. This was her first night with us, and you can see Piggy is there as well.

Her Favorite Nap Places

She likes to dig in the yard, then tries to sneak back in the house without us noticing the mud....




And what Princess is complete without the Princess Purse.

A Year In Review

2007 started for me with a Sermon from Pastor Paul Sartarelli at the Chapel in Akron. On that Sunday he preached about Isaiah 40,



Do you not know? Have you not heard?

The LORD is the everlasting God,

the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary,

and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary

and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,

and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.



I have read this passage many times over the years and have turned to it in many times of need. What Pastor Paul said that day forever changed my view of this passage, and helped me understand God just a little better than I had the day before. He talked about the strength of God, and the power of God and then he got a little more quiet. He talked about how sometimes, as Christians, things will happen here on earth that there is just not an explanation for. Times when believers will soar over the earth like on the wings of eagles. Sometimes there will be the stamina to run this race without fail, and to finish as strong as we started. Times to run and not grow weary. And there are also times when God gives you nothing more than the strength to take the next step. There is a promise in this passage, a promise that whoever hopes in the Lord will get this strength.

2007 was a time for my husband and I to see examples of all three. We saw friends of ours who conceived and gave birth to a child, when there was no medical reason as why this was able to happen. We saw them soar over the earth like on the wings of eagles. We saw other friends adopt children into their families, and run like they have never run before. We saw ourselves struggle through what has been the hardest struggle of our marriage, and saw how God gave us the strength to do nothing more than take the next step. I don't know if he realized it at the time, but Pastor Sartarelli saw us one of these morning eating breakfast at a little diner. He stopped at our table to say hello, and witnessed one of those moments where God gave us the strength to take the next step- because we were to weak to walk on our own.

It is amazing to look back at where I was last January first, and remember the hopes and dreams I had for 2007. 2007 was a hard year, but looking back it was a good year. We finally got a puppy, Gracie. She is the perfect pup for our family. (And yes, she is spoiled rotten) We have made new friends and old friendships have gotten even stronger. We had a new nephew come into our family as well.

I can't wait to see what 2008 holds......

Christmas

I have to say, the Christmas is my favorite holiday. I know a lot of other people say that, but for me it really is. It has nothing to do with the presents either - I love our Christmas tree because of all the ornaments on it. So many of them represent some special memory. We have so many family traditions, ones from when I was growing up as well as new ones my husband and I have started. I love Christmas the most because it is just the begining of the Greatest Story Ever Told....

I tend to be very reflective during the Christmas season too, and the past week I have thought a lot about Mary. Historically speaking, she was a 14 (or so) year old virgin, engaged to a man and pregnant. And it wasn't her fiance's child. Sometimes I think about this and it blows my mind. At 30 I am not sure I could handle having a baby, and at 14 she was ready to raise the Son of God. I have read some of the scriptures surrounding this as well you see her spreading the news and following her husband, but you don't see her freaking out. I would be, my fiance would have had to have me committed to a mental health facility had I received messages from God sent by angels while we were engaged.
What you see from Mary is Peace - she trusted God and he provided.

I have thought about the Christmas story as well, and how Jesus was born and placed in a manger. I often wonder if the Inn Keeper would have had room had he known that GOD was about to come to earth, and he sent them to the stable. I would like to be indignent about this, who would not make room for an obviously about to give birth woman no matter who's child she had. But I can't. It would be hypocritical of me to do so, as how many times have I refused to make room in my life for God. And I know full well who He is and what he has done.

Sometimes I wonder as well what Jesus thought about being born here on earth. I think part of the reason He was always at peace was because He knew the whole story, He knew how it would end - and He knew where He would be when it was all over. I think that should tell us something, He knew what was waiting on the other side....and how much better it was than this.

Learning about life

Hi Again,


It has been a rough couple of weeks, but I have learned something. In everything that happens, good or bad, God has a purpose. I went through a time for a few months where I didn't want to talk to Him. I didn't want to know what His plan was for this, or try to see the good in each situation. I wanted answers, and I wanted them yesterday. I wanted to know why I had such a strong desire for something, but He denied it. That kind of pain flabbergasted me. I felt like the outcast kid on the playground, and God said "see what you could have and what you want so badly, but I am not going to give that to you- Ha Ha". In the past year I have seen so many things happen to wonderful people, God-fearing, faithful people. How could a loving God allow all of this pain and hurt. How could a perfect God allow such horrible, imperfect things to happen? None of it made sense to me. I don't know that many people knew I felt this way, but I did. I am a pretty good pretender that things are fine.


Around that time my husband and I head about a relatively inexpensive concert at our Church and decided to get tickets. It was an "unplugged" concert, which we usually enjoy no matter who it is. Well, in preparation we started to listen to a few of his songs (it is Jeremy Camp by the way) and I hear the songs 'I Will Walk By Faith' and "I Still Believe". At first I was a little put off. I have heard of other artists who have written similar songs but who have really not faced a life altering trial. To me it seems like it is so easy to say that you need to trust in God during the good times and the bad when you really haven't faced a trial that alters your life. You know, those moments that forever after are the "Before this date" and "After this date" that fully redefine who you are. (Note: I am not saying that these songs are wrong or bad in any way, but just ring a little hollow at times - Kind of like the person who says "it is just God's will" to someone after a funeral. Very true, but not so comforting at the time. )


By the time the concert came around I had started to become bitter about a lot of things, and could not have told you the last time I prayed if I had to do so to save my life. But I still went, and what I heard that night was about where these songs came from. They came from the pits of despair, a life altering trial. They came from a a place of pain and asking God "Why?". In the matter minutes my perspective on that concert, that artist and God, changed in a story of pain and hurt, but most of all love. A love between a husband and wife, overshadowed by love from God. (Check out jeremycamp.com for the full story http://jeremycamp.com/walk.html) That became an "After this date" day for me. I have listened to those songs (and others) for weeks, and have slowly found that God has been waiting for me all this time. He has waited for me to crawl into His lap with my broken spirit and bruised heart and cry out all my tears. (Mr. Camp, if you ever read this please know that Melissa's life touched mine even so many years later)


So where am I now? Still no where near where I should be, but well on my way. There are still days when I ask why, but I think that is the human side of me. It has taken me almost two months to get to this point, but looking back I am grateful for that time. I have learned that there is a purpose in whatever God has planned. Just because I can't see it doesn't mean it's not there. I've learned that I am a prodigal child, over and over again, and God has the feast prepared each time I return. I am not at a point of "Pure Joy", but a lot closer......


James 1:2-4, “ Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

I Made It

Well, it is well past October 16, 2007 and the world is still spinning in orbit. I really don't feel much different than I did when I went to bed on the 15th.


My dear co-workers brought in balloons and a cake, as well as decorated my cube. Oh, and they posted signs around our building with my picture and the phrase "It took 30 years to look this good - Happy Birthday Beth!" So, total strangers have stopped me all week to say happy birthday.


My wonderful husband had flowers sent to my office for me - they are absolutly beautiful! Thanks Sweetheart!!!

My fantastic friends and mom threw the best party I could have asked for. I know I said it before, but thank you. You have no idea how much I appreciated it! (And thank you to my dear friend's husband who helped clean and get their house ready!)

A few highlights.... my husband also got me a new camera (it's PINK!!!) my dear friend made me a scrapbook for my friends to sign for the party and my Dad was there. I didn't think he would be able to make it, but he did. That made my day.

Overall, I would have to say that 30 is agreeing with me.

My Birthday

I will be 30 in three days. I remember turning 21 and thinking, "Wow, I feel so adult now", and getting married at 25, thinking "this is it, life is good". Life was so simple then. Now here I sit, 5 years later and reflect on my life. Two years ago, roughly to the day, started a journey that I thought would be long over by now. I am realizing it has just begun, and I have no idea where it will lead. I won't say that the past few years have been easy, because God might strike me down for lying. But I have learned a lot.

I have learned that life isn't always fair, and doesn't always go as planned. I have learned that it's ok to be sad sometimes, and it is ok to cry when you are. Really bad things can happen to really good people, and great things can happen to really bad people. It is also ok to laugh and be crazy with your friends - they love you anyways. I've learned that the "Wall of Chocolate" at P.F. Changs is worth every calorie and gram of fat in it. I learned it's ok to call your best friend and say "I need a Girls Night Out and a good Margarita" and they understand without a question, because sometimes it is their turn to call in the request. I learned that I can clean my house in any order that I choose, and the universe still remains. (Sorry Mom, but it's true. I love you though for all you have taught me). I have learned that finding a really great pair of shoes on sale really can change the entire mood of your day. I've learned that life isn't perfect- and that's what makes it life.

Sometimes I feel too wise for my years. I wish I didn't know so much about some of the things I do, but I do recognize that the knowledge I have from those experiences is what makes me who I am. I am who I am because of the road I traveled to get to this day. I am completely unique because of where I have traveled. Someone once told me that I was like a Snowflake, that there wasn't anyone elese quite like me. I like that. I don't know if the world could handle more than one.